A funny (IMO) e-mail and response

Discussion in 'Mirth for the Barbaric Hordes' started by Urfang, Jun 15, 2010.

  1. Urfang
    Scar Bearer

    Posts: 12,348
    Location: Columbia, MO
    In-Game: Urfang
    Playing: D&D, frisbie, BAP
    I got the following e-mail (spam) from an IT recruiting agency. I work as a programmer so I get some of these from time to time, but never before one as...idiotic as this one.

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    Recruiter Spam
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    Hello IT Professional,

    I’ll be brief: Last week I asked if you were the hiring manager for SQL Server resources. While I can't be certain what your current need is, I wanted to share this sample of SQL Server resources (see below) with you in the event you need one.

    Through the use of our proprietary technology, RDW, we have access to over 10 million IT resources.
    Here’s what that means for you:

    1. We are able to find people to fill your SQL Server needs typically within 24 to 48 hours.
    2. We have access to millions of passive IT resources that no other company has access to.
    3. We are able to find someone to fill even your hardest to find skill set.

    If the following candidates don’t match your current needs, please search our proprietary database yourself to find the most appropriate person – TRY IT NOW!.

    Call me to discuss how York will help with all your IT staffing now or in the future.

    Regards,

    Jim Spinner
    Director, Consulting Services

    <<list of half a dozen random resumes from different people>>

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    My Reply
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    >>Hello IT Professional,

    Hello.

    >>I’ll be brief: Last week I asked if you were the hiring manager for SQL Server resources. While I can't be certain what your current need is, I wanted to share this sample of SQL Server resources (see below) with you in the event you need one.

    Yes, you did. I put it in the SPAM folder since I'm not a hiring manager and assumed your e-mail was random SPAM. How else would you have gotten the notion that I'm a hiring manager? Further, even if I were a hiring manager, what do you think the chances are that half a dozen random resumes would match whatever positions I have open? The chances are small to say the least, which would make your e-mail a pointless waste of any hiring manager's time.

    >>Through the use of our proprietary technology, RDW, we have access to over 10 million IT resources.

    Ten Million...wow. Let's see, the population of the Earth is about 6 billion people, so 10 million would be 1 out of every 600 people on the planet. So you're claiming that not only is 1 out of every 600 people on the planet an "IT resource", but that you have access to all of them.

    That is quite impressive when you consider that the vast majority of those 6,000,000,000 people live in complete poverty in China, India and other places where only a small percentage of the population has access to higher education...much less computers.

    >>Here’s what that means for you:

    No, you're mistaken. HERE'S what your claims mean to me.

    1 - You got my e-mail address from somewhere and started spamming me without even bothering to check who I am or why I'm on the list.
    2 - You either can't do simple math or are an egregious liar.

    and therefore...

    3 - You're not someone that I want to do business with.

    >>Call me to discuss how York will help with all your IT staffing now or in the future.

    No thank you. Instead of me calling you for help, how about you listen to my suggestions which might help you.

    Suggestion 1 - Mass spam is easy to spot and gets put in the junk mail folder right away. So take the time to find out about the people you are e-mailing or at the very least, make sure you have the right people on a focused list before you hit that "send" button.

    Suggestion 2 - If you're going to lie, and yes, all pimps...er, staffing professionals lie, don't make your lies so transparent as to claim that you have access to more IT professionals than there are on Planet Earth.

    Suggestion 3 - Times are tough and pimps...pardon me, "staffing agencies", are desperate. But sending out links to potential employees at random in spam shows just how desperate you are. Any hiring manager who is actually fool enough to deal with you at this point will know that he has you over a barrel and will therefore be able to negotiate a deal that is better for them and worse for you. So don't send random employee suggestions. Only send resumes to companies that have told you about open positions and TARGET those resumes to the position.

    Suggestion 4 - By blasting out spam like this, you not only make yourself a joke to hiring manager, you make it very clear to IT professionals (all 10 million of us...ha ha ha!!!) that YOU are NOT professional, that you are desperate, that you don't do your homework and that it would be TERRIBLE to have someone like you represent us to potential employers.

    Suggestion 5 - If you are unable to learn anything from the first 4 suggestions, I would suggest a change of careers for you. You might consider training to become a truck driver or auto mechanic or going into some other field that doesn't require much interpersonal interaction...because it isn't your strong suit.

    In closing, please take me off your e-mail list since I can't see myself ever doing business with your company.

    Good luck! You're going to need it!

    Dave
  2. Wulfghard
    War Chief
    Watchu' Talkin Bout?

    Posts: 5,149
    Location: California
    In-Game: Wulfghard
    Indeed, one of the reasons I switched from working in the electronics industry to truck driving is that I fucking hate people. Unfortunately, I'm still forced to deal with more people on a daily basis than I would care to, but I drive locally. Long haul drivers have much less interaction with other people.
  3. Melkrow
    War Chief
    You wouldn't like me when I'm angry

    Posts: 4,255
    Playing: 1)2(3*4&5^6%7$8#9@0!
    lol

    nice one Urfang
  4. Seabhac
    War Chief
    Mt. Seabass

    Posts: 6,424
    Location: Seattle, WA
    lol who knew there were so many IT techs out there and to think that the industry is still growing!!

    Awesome reply, bet that will turn into an inter-office joke for their company.
  5. Urfang
    Scar Bearer

    Posts: 12,348
    Location: Columbia, MO
    In-Game: Urfang
    Playing: D&D, frisbie, BAP
    Another funny e-mail I got. Not going to respond. You can if you like. There might be millions of dollars in it for you! :P

    Subject: CAN I TRUST YOU?

    Dear Friend,



    My Name is Mrs.Bakara Wachiri from Syria. I know this message will be a pleasant surprise to you.


    Firstly, I am married to Mr.Fara Wachiri.A gold merchant who owns a small gold Mine in Burkina Faso. He died of Cardiovascular Disease before the uprising in Syria began in mid-March 2011. During his life time he deposited the sum of $ 7.200 million, Seven million two hundred thousand dollars in a bank in Ouagadougou the capital city of Burkina Faso in West Africa. The deposited money was from the sale of the shares, death benefits payment and entitlements of my deceased husband by his company.


    At the time of his illness, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and presently i am partially suffering from a stroke illness which has become almost impossible for me to move around. My doctor confided in me that i have less chance to live. Having known my health condition, I decided to contact you to claim the fund and act as an executor of the estate since none of my husband’s relation or mine are alive. They were killed during the war in my country Syria. It is practically impossible to contact anybody in my country to handle the transaction because of the crisis. This is the reason i need your services to stand as my next of kin or an executor to claim the funds for charity purposes.



    The success of processing and transferring the funds to a secure account requires an individual who can stand as my next of kin to claim the funds. I cannot transfer the funds directly to a charity organization without selecting an executor or next of kin to claim it. You will take 40 % Percent of the total money and 60% percent will go to charity and the orphanage homes. If this money remain unclaimed after my death, the bank executives or the government will take the money as unclaimed fund and maybe Use it for selfish and worthless ventures.



    Kindly respond to this offer to enable me give you more details on how we can proceed with the transfer.Kindly reply to this email address for urgent response ( wachiri.bakara@yahoo.com.my )


    Yours hopefully,

    Mrs.Bakara Wachiri.
    +963 865472014.
  6. Entaro
    Clan Elder
    U feel big now cause in real life i smack u like red headed step child son

    Posts: 12,658
    Location: Chicago
    Playing: Cyberpunk 2077
  7. Polydamas
    Snowhawk
    I;m drunk now, so I;ll probably regrey waht I say rtomottoew.

    Posts: 912
    Location: Istanbul
    In-Game: Casur
    I think it's interesting that these are deliberately rubbish emails, since they weed out the people who will figure out it's a scam. If the email was more convincing they'd waste more time on responders who'd figure it out before they sent their back details, whereas anyone who believes that email is probably dumb enough to go through with the whole thing.

  8. Yrega
    Snowhawk

    Posts: 2,797
    Location: Charleston, SC, USA
    In-Game: Yrega
    Playing: Conan Exiles
    OH REALLY!? DUDE YOU'RE SO LUCKY. CANT BELIEVE YOU'RE GOING TO GET 40% OF >$7mil FROM SOME RANDOM SYRIAN FOR ONLY THE EXCHANGE OF YOUR TOTAL IDENTITY! OH, YOU HAVE TO SEND YOUR INFO FIRST SO THEY CAN VERIFY? NAW DUDE YOU'RE TOTALLY SAFE. lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol


    Nevermind, he was a gold miner and only deposited roughly seven million USD? Rubbish.
  9. Urfang
    Scar Bearer

    Posts: 12,348
    Location: Columbia, MO
    In-Game: Urfang
    Playing: D&D, frisbie, BAP
    Poly, that's interesting. So...they're targeting my cousins. (The stories I could tell. Only reason I don't is that, dumb though they are, the aren't inventive or funny dumb, just head shaking dumb.)